BEING IN CHOICE: ALWAYS!

June 19th, 2009 by Bob Benwick

“Those guys just don’t get it!”, “I’m thinking of going elsewhere given the new assignment they’ve forced me to take!”, or “This place is a zoo and no one knows which way is up or down!”. Often when engaged in coaching these and a myriad of other perspectives get voiced loudly and clearly. Although many of these clients don’t know it, being ‘stuck’ in a particular perspective or point of view is more common than not. They’re simply stuck because of his/her not being able to see ‘the blinding glimpse of the obvious’. With commitment from the client to ‘want to break through this’ (usually because of the associated pain and discomfort) and powerful coaching they typically make strong breakthroughs quickly and effectively.

So how’s this done? It’s simply a matter of coaching the client to step back and begin looking at the same situation but from different perspectives. Reviewing and clarifying these perspectives, and then making a choice that is ‘integrative’, that is taking in the needs of those significant other stakeholders and his/her own needs, creates a ‘win-win’ resolution and then ‘makes it happen’ as Kathy Dannemiller and Jake Jacobs would put it. Easier said than done, but then that is where a highly experienced senior executive coach comes in, particularly for senior executives, individual contributors and hi-potentials constantly wrestling with those organizational concerns where there is never a ‘right answer’.

A universal phenomenon that exists for us all is that we’re always in choice no matter the circumstances that face us. We’re in choice in the morning when we wake up. “What will I wear?”, “What will I have for breakfast?”, “How will I get to work?”, “Do I want to go to work?”, “How do I want to feel right now, today, tomorrow?”, “What attitude do I want to take toward my organization, boss, peers, sub ordinates, team members, customers/clients, family members, etc.?” The list is simply never-ending.

Another universal phenomenon (oh, they’re limitless), is that for every choice there is a consequence . . . good, bad or ugly! That is why knowing this information is key to our true success and fulfillment as children, parents, team members, employees, leaders and community members. Always consider your thoughts, wants and feelings (in equal amounts) before choosing. If the results impact others, always share with them what the foregoing are for you, and then also ask them what they think, want and feel about the same issue and use this collective information to make choices that satisfy.

Heck, even our dogs are in choice. Say that again! OUR DOGS ARE ALSO ALWAYS IN CHOICE! Let me give you a for example. In June of 2008 we adopted two new rescue Brittany Spaniels through the American Brittany Rescue Association. I drove Skya in from Nebraska, and drove Woody from Montana. Both were to replace two rescue Brittany’s who had passed away from old age a few months prior. Back to being in choice. Skya had been picked up off the street and was about to be euthanized in a Kill Shelter. Fortunately, someone stepped in at the last minute who rescued her turning her over to the American Brittany Rescue Association, and we picked her up a month later. In the interim, in that she came off the street and no one knew her real name, she ended up being called Sidney.

Of course, when I picked her up she did not respond to her assigned name. So on the drive back to Vancouver, BC from Nebraska I called Bev, my wife and fearless CEO of RWBA, and asked that she set up a meeting with Jerry Wong, a well known human and animal psychic. Jerry had worked very closely with Beau, our previous male Brittany who had passed away of cancer. The objective: have Jerry connect with Sidney.

Well to make a long story short, he did it. Initially, after some preliminary work with her he was not able to get a specific name from her. He worked hard at connecting, but to no avail. Then Bev said, “Why don’t you ask her what she wants to be called?” so Jerry went back to work with her. He simply put her in choice! She responded by showing Jerry a huge night sky with a plethora of stars throughout. Bev and I immediately shouted out the obvious: “Star! “ Jerry asked her and she communicated no. You’ve no doubt already guessed that she had chosen and communicated through images to Jerry that her name is Skya! When this was actually said out loud she immediately reacted by jumping up excitedly and running around our family room. I’m getting ‘verpluncked’ just sharing this with you. Yes, even our sweet Skya was and is always in choice. Thank you Jerry for coaching our little gal!

So there you have it, we, all of use, are always in choice! So what was the blinding glimpse of the obvious for you, your team and your organization in the above? I would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.