It’s not unusual in our executive coaching to come across comments such as “I’m fed up with his micromanaging!”, “I want to make sure they do it right!”, “I need to make sure my group doesn’t make any mistakes!”, “I’m tired of solving everyone else’s problems!”, “I have to stay on top of them!”, “As the head of this organization, I’m getting exhausted working 24/7!”. The litany of comments like this are endless.

We find that leaders often don’t hold their people ‘Big’. Allowing their staff to tackle the concerns they own and to learn from the consequences of their decisions, using this learning to grow, become even stronger performers and contributors, and as a result more satisfied.

What happens more often than not is that the leaders not only holds themselves ‘Small’, unfortunately they also hold their people ‘Small’. Meaning, they interfere by giving them ‘solutions’ to their presenting problems, not allowing them to stumble, fall, get up and try it again until they successfully work it out, allowing them to mature as individuals and professionals.

It’s similar to raising a child. If you insist on ensuring they not run, fall, eat a little dirt, bump their heads, experience life . . . what normal kids do . . . this will only contribute to retarding their growth and development. We’re not talking about letting them get into serious trouble. That’s a given.

Rather, it’s about letting them experience normal day-to-day challenges and allowing them to learn from the consequences of their choices. From these life experiences they mature and grow into healthy, reasonably well balanced adults (god willing).

The same is true for leaders working with their staff. The choice is about either holding people ‘Big’ or holding them ‘Small’. The benefits of the former are clearly obvious once we think about leadership in this way.

Recently a good friend and colleague, Jake Jacobs, and I had a discussion on this very topic. Jake is a leader in the field of organization development, a noted author of cutting edge books on large-scale real-time strategic change and the Principal of The Winds of Change Group out of Marina del Rey, California. We continue having very rich conversations around potential synergies between Jake’s large-scale work and our executive/corporate coaching. You’re invited to listen to our most recent conversation on the subject of leaders holding their people ‘Big’ or ‘Small’. Enjoy!

    Click here to listen to our discussion!

 What’s been your experience on this? What are your insights? How might you leverage your learning? What is it you would like to do with this? We always enjoy getting your thought and feelings. Take care!

We often work with executives and leaders who experience enormous amounts of stress at work. As they say, ‘the closer to the top you get, the closer to the door you get’. In the compensation world, their total compensation is influenced by the size of the ulcers that go with the job. It’s also referred to as being in the grip. We’re sure you’ve  gotten our point .

Naomi Quenk wrote a wonderful primer called ‘In the Grip: Understanding Type, Stress, and the Inferior Function’ based on the personality type theory developed by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Gustav Jung. As Naomi mention’s in her work, Jung’s theory was refined and put into accessible form by Isabel Briggs Myers and Katharine Briggs, who developed the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator® (MBTI®) personality inventory.

As part of working with and addressing the issues when each of us feels caught In the Grip, it behooves us to take a little time to answer some questions. Being completely authentic and honest with yourself goes a long way in helping you deepen your understanding of the way you think, behave and remedy the causes that trigger in the grip  reactions. When you partner with a qualified executive coach, you’ll receive amazing insights and the ability to extricate yourself from this potentially devastating situation.

Naomi puts forward that there may very well be times when you feel or behave quite differently from the way you normally do. In other words, the way you see and react to everyday events at work is so unlike you that others you work with would describe you as “not being yourself,” “someone else” or simply “in the grip”. So here’s the invitation, try to think about how you are when you are most like yourself and how you are different when you are least like yourself by answering the following suggested questions from Naomi:

•  What are you like when you are most yourself? That is, what qualities best describe you or define you as an individual? For example, you might describe yourself as typically optimistic, careful with details, concerned about others, future oriented, and so on.  
• What are you like when you are not yourself-how are you different from your usual way of being?  
• What events or circumstances are likely to provoke the reactions and changes you experience?  
• What can you or others do to help the return process?  
• What can you or others do to hinder the return process?  
• What aspects of your work life are most satisfying and energizing?  
• What aspects of your work life are most dissatisfying and stressful?  
• How do you typically deal with chronic stress?   
• What new things have you learned about yourself as a result of your out-of-character experiences?

We have worked with many executive clients who have successfully addressed being caught in the grip.  Because of the great results  they’ve been able to experience, we thought you too would find the foregoing of interest. What was your take away? On a scale of 1 – 10 where is your stress level (1 = none, 10 = let me out of here!)? What’s your next step? We would enjoy hearing your thoughts and feelings. Take care.

With Christmas coming up, Justin, a client who had been a senior executive with a leading hi-tech firm,  raised a big concern now that he is  ’between jobs’. “I’m not really sure what to say when I connect with colleagues, friends and family over the holiday and I’m asked something like “So whats happening Justin? What happened with your job?” I know I’ll probably hear this question a number of times!” Justin was just starting up his job search. It was obviously quite important for him to be able to handle this question with confidence, no matter who would be asking him.

“So what is it you feel you want to do when these questions come up?” I asked. “Well, I definitely want to respond to them truthfully, make sure what I say is acceptable, particularly when I’m in interviews.  I’ll need to respond truthfully and in a way that’s acceptable to my former and prospective employers.”

“Sounds good. Would developing a statement that briefly explains your reason for leaving make sense?” I asked. “Absolutely, I’m quite anxious to be ready and able to deal with any questions like these that may come up.” Justin responded.

“Well whatever it is you develop, I invite you to make sure it’s short and to the point! I’d also encourage you to discuss what you do create with your wife and other family members, or anyone else for that matter close to you, as they will likely run into other associates, colleagues, and important people in your network and be confronted with the same question, “What happened with Justin?” In this way they can respond as comfortably as you and make it a lot easier to take care of these situations and support you by sharing a consistent and positive message.”

“So when you’re trying to develop your statement, what are the key points you believe you need to consider?” I then asked.

“Well whatever I come up with, I think needs to be short and to the point! I also feel it should be as positive as I can make it.” he responded.

“I believe you’re right on. There’s another key point that I would throw in for your consideration. Try to ensure that whatever you do come up with is not only truthful but very easy to explain” I went on.

“What are some of the key reasons for leaving you’ve come across with some of your other clients who’ve faced the same challenge?” asked Justin.

“Hmmm . . .  some of them included the existence of different leadership style, a new boss with a different operating approach, restructuring, downsizing, reorganization, a substantively changed role, buyout. These are a few very legitimate reasons that have been shared with me.” was my observation.

Finishing off our coaching session, “My request of you is to begin drafting your own reason for leaving statement by starting to jot down some of the key points you would like to include in it and then let’s take some time in next week’s scheduled coaching session to review your draft and flesh it out. Will that work?”  “I’m thinking about it already!” Justin responded anxiously.

I know you’re more than capable of coming up with a solid reason for leaving  statement. Once done, you’ll be able to use it as part of your Personal Commercial when in information-referral meetings, engaged in strategic networking, in employment interviews . . . the opportunities will be endless until you nail down the opportunity you really want.”, I went on, ”It’s not if, it’s when it will happen. Trust me.”

“OK, what’s a Personal Commercial?” Justin put forward. I ended our conversation “We’ll visit that at our next meeting as well. In the meantime my friend, you and yours have a happy holiday! Take a good rest because you’ve got a lot of work ahead of you with success definitely at the end of it!”

What were the gold nuggets for you in this coaching discussion? If you were coaching Justin, what would you have asked him?

By the way, if you or someone you know is currently in the midst of a career transition experience and are one of the ready few who would like to join an exclusive coaching group of like minded members focused on being in service of each other’s future success and fulfillment, then  go to Exclusive Group Coaching or call us at 1.866.952.6224. We’re there for you. Take care.