The executive’s job search continues to be getting even more challenging. It is particularly difficult in these extremely challenging economic times. That is exactly the experience of my client Rick who had departed from his executive role with his previous employer about 6 month ago. A former Senior Vice President, Rick was struggling with job search networking, something he had never faced before. Here is how he expressed this in a recent coaching meeting, “How in the heck do I approach potential corporate contacts and what do I say to them when do give them a call?”

After a series of related coaching questions in support of Rick, he concluded some the following from our discussion.

First, his initial contact with key contacts would no doubt be by phone. The objective of which was to set up an appointment to meet. It became clear to him that it was critical for him to make his contacts very comfortable at the outset. When asked how this would be done, he quickly ascertained that it would be important for him to make it clear to each contact that he in fact was not asking them for a job! He felt doing so would put these key contacts at ease . . . important for him to be able to connect. Rather, he concluded, it would be important that they understand that he is approaching them for expert advice only. His ultimate objective was to set up a short informal twenty minute meeting over the next two to three weeks at their convenience and he would communicate that he would fully respect their valuable time in doing so.

Rick was also quite prepared to pick up the expense of potential meetings that might take place over lunch or coffee. He also concluded the need to dress business conservative, no matter how the potential contacts were dressed.

When asked what he might say in these initial telephone discussions, Rick concluded after some excellent dialogue that the following needed to be fully taken into consideration and tailored accordingly on each call he made.

• Mention who referred him and that they felt such contact would be mutually beneficial.
• Quickly summarize who he is professionally, years of experience in his specialty, with which organizations and where he has been most effective in adding value.
• Reiterate that he does not expect that the key contact has or knows of opportunities available, but rather to gain some of the key contact’s insights and advice around industry trends over the foreseeable future.
• Ask to get together sometime over the next two to three weeks at a mutually agreeable date and time for about twenty minutes.
• When the meeting takes place, to again reiterate the foregoing.
• Most importantly, at the end of each meeting, ask the key contact for other potential key contacts, and if any contacts don’t come to the key contact’s mind at that time, that he will offer to follow up within the next or so . . . to keep the momentum up.

Rick felt quite relieved to have developed this plan of action and could not wait to get back to his temporary office at home and start making it happen.

We would enjoy hearing what other suggestions that you might have for Rick and others like him to consider when undertaking their job search campaigns. Thank you in advance.

In a recent blog titled ‘Negative Feedback Is Disengaging and Demotivating to Talent’ by Ken Nowack, he quoted Bill Walsh’s observation that “Nothing is more effective than sincere, accurate praise, and nothing is more lame than a cookie-cutter compliment”. Ken’s blog was so profound that he was kind enough to give us permission to share it with you. Enjoy!

“What would you say to someone if you knew that your honest feedback to a person could influence and motivate this individual to make or not to make a $3 million gift or donation to a charity or non-profit organization?

Would you be brutally honest and share your opinion that the person has a long pattern of being a “competent jerk” and really needs to change their interpersonal approach with others or would you be politically correct and just assume your feedback really won’t make a difference in changing their leadership style? It is also possible that if the person feels overly criticized that they might be unwilling to “give back” to the organization in the form of a monetary gift.

Ahh…the dilemma of feedback!

Just how honest and candid should one be in giving feedback to others?

One question that comes up from raters in 360-degree feedback processes is whether they can be “totally honest” in completing the online questionnaires1. I’m sure in the back of their minds they are also questioning just how much this feedback will really make a difference.

As a vendor of 360-degree feedback assessments it’s not atypical on any multi-rater project to get at least one participant or rater contacting us and asking just how “anonymous” and confidential their feedback will be. We try to explain that leaders don’t typically wake up each morning and spontaneously try out new behaviors and change for the sake of change.

We try to assure raters their comments and ratings will be bundled with others who have been invited by their leader for feedback and that without taking a risk to share their observations, suggestions and feedback what they will see is basically more of the same. We can actually confirm by watching our assessment administration system that some of the less paranoid hang up and complete the online questionnaires and the others choose not to.

Why do Some Raters Decide Not to Provide Feedback?

1. Some raters don’t believe that leaders will change anyway (it doesn’t matter if the cause is motivation or ability-the outcome is the same)
2. Some raters are justified in not participating knowing that their boss will actually try hard to identify them and if successful will punish them for their candor
3. Some raters lack confidence about anonymity and confidentiality and don’t trust the 360-feedback process
4. Some raters don’t ever get any follow up after they share feedback from so they see it as a waste of their time

Not long ago, the past chancellor of the University of Nevada, Reno (UNR), said he and his family would no longer be considering donating a $3 million gift to the school when he planned on retiring after a regent’s negative comments in his job performance evaluation (this probably is another story my old UCLA dissertation chair, Samuel Culbert who is critical particularly of performance reviews would love!).

In a written evaluation by one of the regents who had a role to provide appraisal comments to the Chancellor, this regent wrote that the Chancellor’s claims of being “totally honest and known for his integrity” were false. The regent went on to write about the Chancellor that “he is known primarily as a self-absorbed, self-indulgent bully and tyrant, given to rashly going off at little or no provocation.”

Feedback, whether oral or written, can be either motivating or disengaging. In almost all 360-degree feedback assessments, there is a section for “open ended” questions that are typically reported back to participants verbatim. One dilemma in coaching when using 360-degree feedback is how to handle a situation in which the majority of written comments by raters are particularly skewed towards being critical, negative and judgmental. Ethically, what should you do knowing that the reaction on the part of your client might be received negatively?

Smither and Walker (2004) analyzed the impact of upward feedback ratings as well as narrative comments over a one-year period for 176 managers2. They found that those who received a small number of unfavorable behaviorally based comments improved more than other managers but those who received a large number (relative to positive comments) significantly declined in performance more than other managers. These individuals were more disengaged and emotionally upset as a result of the 360-degree feedback process.

Newer neuroscience research sheds some interesting light on “why” perceived negative feedback is potentially emotionally harmful. Recent studies confirm that emotional hurt and rejection, whether part of social interactions (or poorly designed and delivered feedback interventions) can actually trigger the same neurophysiologic pathways associated with physical pain and suffering3.

As George Carlin once said, “Honesty may be the best policy, but it’s important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy”…..Be well….”

To view Ken’s original blog and supporting references, go to Envisia Learning. Thank you for allowing us to publish this Ken. What are your thoughts and feelings on the foregoing? Your experience? We would love to hear from you!

 Skya Benwick (standing) playing with her brother Woody Benwick (on ground)

A very sweet little girl came into our lives and her ‘forever home’ through the American Brittany Rescue Association (ABR) a few years back. Her name was Skya. She had been rescued from a kill shelter by the ABR. Having been picked up off the street in terrible distress. She was thought to be about 9 years old at the time. Arriving with a seriously torn cruciate ligament, Bev (my wife) immediately put her through surgery and physical therapy. She can be viewed working through her therapy on YouTube. As a result, the quality of her life immediately and positively changed. She loved to run, play and smother her brother Woody (also an ABR rescue), Bev and I with absolute unconditional love. Sweet is an understatement when describing this little girl.

Skya quietly passed away on Wednesday, May 18th, 5:00 PM in our loving arms and hearts at the Village Park Animal Hospital in La Quinta, California. Everyyone who ever came in contact with our little girl adored her affectionate, endearing and playful way. She adored her brother Woody (another rescue from Montana who arrived within a week of Skya). Woody was always alertly protecting her. He too is greatly missing her.

It is truly difficult to share this without an enormous feeling of overwhelming loss. It is with the greatest of personal pleasure and pride that Skya ‘graduated’ from this life’s journey having had the last three years of her life being totally enveloped in love, with an intensity of caring that few of the world’s lonely and lost dogs will unfortunately ever have the good fortune to experience.

The following poem, so kindly sent to us by Nancy Vogel, Director of ABR in Nebraska, very much captures our true feelings and we would like to now share it with you. Thank you Nancy!

WE LOVED YOU BEST

So this is where we part, our dear friend
And you’ll run on, around the bend.
Gone from sight, but not from mind,
New pleasures there you’ll surely find.

We will go on, we’ll find the strength
Life measures quality, not its length
One long embrace before you leave,
Share one last look, before we grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
But they be they, and they aren’t you.
And we, fair, impartial, or so we thought
Will remember well all you’ve taught.

Your place we’ll hold, you will be missed,
The fur we stroked, the nose we kissed
And as you journey to your final rest,
Take with you this . . . we loved you best!

 - – - Kerri Fowlkes

Thank you for taking this moment out to read this short note from our hearts to the world about our sweet Skya. May she run, play and thoroughly enjoy herself with our other ‘life graduates’ on the ‘other side’. Take care!

As a global executive coaching practice we partner with leaders at all levels and disciplines in a wide array of global private and public sector organizations. Part of that coaching with our corporate clients more often than not touches on why they get stuck in certain perspectives and let their ‘Child’ run the show vs. being in ‘Adult’, self-managing and objectively taking care of business.

It typically surfaces as a ‘blinding glimpse of the obvious’ when they discover dichotomy for themselves. It’s typically a life, career and leadership changer when they do make this breakthrough. They learn their ‘Child’ also has a very positive side . . . . playful, laughter, fun, vitality, energy, compassion, caring etc. . . . as well as a negative side . . . judgmental (of themselves and others around them), anger, fear, shame, anxiety, sadness, etc.

We recently caught the following country music video on television that really captured the origins of what the child and what we agree  to early in their lives and becomes programmed when we leave home and create our own lives and careers (in this video more of the positive aspects). To this end, we trust you too will enjoy this music video as much as we. So turn up your sound, listen carefully to a great young country star Chris Young to the lyrics and be prepared to tap your cowboyski toes : ! 

We would love to hear your reactions to these comments and Chris Young’s song. Have a great day!