Skya Benwick (standing) playing with her brother Woody Benwick (on ground)

A very sweet little girl came into our lives and her ‘forever home’ through the American Brittany Rescue Association (ABR) a few years back. Her name was Skya. She had been rescued from a kill shelter by the ABR. Having been picked up off the street in terrible distress. She was thought to be about 9 years old at the time. Arriving with a seriously torn cruciate ligament, Bev (my wife) immediately put her through surgery and physical therapy. She can be viewed working through her therapy on YouTube. As a result, the quality of her life immediately and positively changed. She loved to run, play and smother her brother Woody (also an ABR rescue), Bev and I with absolute unconditional love. Sweet is an understatement when describing this little girl.

Skya quietly passed away on Wednesday, May 18th, 5:00 PM in our loving arms and hearts at the Village Park Animal Hospital in La Quinta, California. Everyyone who ever came in contact with our little girl adored her affectionate, endearing and playful way. She adored her brother Woody (another rescue from Montana who arrived within a week of Skya). Woody was always alertly protecting her. He too is greatly missing her.

It is truly difficult to share this without an enormous feeling of overwhelming loss. It is with the greatest of personal pleasure and pride that Skya ‘graduated’ from this life’s journey having had the last three years of her life being totally enveloped in love, with an intensity of caring that few of the world’s lonely and lost dogs will unfortunately ever have the good fortune to experience.

The following poem, so kindly sent to us by Nancy Vogel, Director of ABR in Nebraska, very much captures our true feelings and we would like to now share it with you. Thank you Nancy!

WE LOVED YOU BEST

So this is where we part, our dear friend
And you’ll run on, around the bend.
Gone from sight, but not from mind,
New pleasures there you’ll surely find.

We will go on, we’ll find the strength
Life measures quality, not its length
One long embrace before you leave,
Share one last look, before we grieve.

There are others, that much is true,
But they be they, and they aren’t you.
And we, fair, impartial, or so we thought
Will remember well all you’ve taught.

Your place we’ll hold, you will be missed,
The fur we stroked, the nose we kissed
And as you journey to your final rest,
Take with you this . . . we loved you best!

 - – - Kerri Fowlkes

Thank you for taking this moment out to read this short note from our hearts to the world about our sweet Skya. May she run, play and thoroughly enjoy herself with our other ‘life graduates’ on the ‘other side’. Take care!

As a global executive coaching practice we partner with leaders at all levels and disciplines in a wide array of global private and public sector organizations. Part of that coaching with our corporate clients more often than not touches on why they get stuck in certain perspectives and let their ‘Child’ run the show vs. being in ‘Adult’, self-managing and objectively taking care of business.

It typically surfaces as a ‘blinding glimpse of the obvious’ when they discover dichotomy for themselves. It’s typically a life, career and leadership changer when they do make this breakthrough. They learn their ‘Child’ also has a very positive side . . . . playful, laughter, fun, vitality, energy, compassion, caring etc. . . . as well as a negative side . . . judgmental (of themselves and others around them), anger, fear, shame, anxiety, sadness, etc.

We recently caught the following country music video on television that really captured the origins of what the child and what we agree  to early in their lives and becomes programmed when we leave home and create our own lives and careers (in this video more of the positive aspects). To this end, we trust you too will enjoy this music video as much as we. So turn up your sound, listen carefully to a great young country star Chris Young to the lyrics and be prepared to tap your cowboyski toes : ! 

We would love to hear your reactions to these comments and Chris Young’s song. Have a great day!

“I’m thinking that I need to prep my references now that I’ve started my job search campaign. But I’m not sure who and how many I need should I be asked for them. What do you think?”, asked Fred, a senior financial executive. “So how many do think would work for you?” I asked. “Well, how does about three to five sound?” he responded. “Otherwise, what?” I followed. “Well I feel anymore would be overwhelming to those I’d provide them to.” “No doubt, my friend”, said I. As we continued to discuss the subject of his work references, we brainstormed some of the following that solidly advanced Fred’s job search and raised his confidence considerably.

• Fred needed to pick people he knows well, who can talk with confidence about his professional and personal strengths. 
• Choose those associates that are great fans of his, avoiding those who are not.
• Include former bosses who can speak to Fred’s demonstrated track record of results and contribution
• Preferably those references who are in a position to speak about his recent 3 to 5 years of deliverables . . . not old stuff.
• Include those who themselves are senior managers and executives
• Those selected should be articulate and effective at promoting Fred
• He should also consider other key superiors, team members, peers, subordinates, and quite possibly some clients/customers

 ”So once I’ve identified these folks, then what?” Fred asked. “Well, what pops into your mind?” I quickly retorted. “Questions, questions!” he whined, and then with a smile on his face he said, “Well it would make complete sense to make sure my chosen references know my target job market, my experience, skills, strengths and weaknesses.”, said Fred.

“You think?” I mischievously remarked, then added, “how would you go about doing this?” Fred frowned and then smiled again, speculating “I’m thinking about preparing a one page document covering the points we mutually brainstormed, something that my selected referees could refer to if and when approached for a reference check. Yeah, they would probably welcome the opportunity to be in my corner, be pleased that I’ve saved them valuable time, and be in a strong position to communicate my key points in a clear, positive and credible manner. Yeah, I love it!”

So there you have it, Fred was now in the position to positively and powerfully move forward with this aspect of his job search campaign strategy. What was the gold nugget in this for you? We would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

The following is the first blog Bev and I wrote a few years ago. Because this particular concept is explored with so many of our global executive coaching clients we decided to republish it because of the demand. When the opportunity invites itself to introduce this concept to our executive coaching clients the reaction is initially and understandably skeptical. Then within a very short period of time we typically hear the following feedback: “The 3 Yous’ has literally, substantively and positively changed my professional and personal life! I just wish I had of known this years ago. It would have saved me a lot of personal pain & anguish, not to mention that of my people . . . and my family.” Enjoy the read.

Brad had come a very long way. He had bottomed out as a result of losing his senior leadership position with a large corporation, navigated through a difficult divorce, and depleted most of his hard earned resources. Through shear determination, persistence and hard work throughout our executive coaching, he was able to replenish his burned through assets and reestablish himself in an even more successful and fulfilling career. Brad had achieved the ability to powerfully connect with and truly accept himself. This also contributed dramatically to doing the same with others in his life and in his new leadership role. He discovered his true purpose in life and built the confidence required to address the challenges that will present themselves in the next phase of his personal and professional journey.

In one of our weekly executive coaching calls Brad exclaimed, “You know Bob, I’m now ready to explore a relationship with someone special in my life and I’m not sure what the next steps are. Can we go there now?” What we ended up doing was to work through clarifying what that special lady would be like when she showed up in his life. Having accomplished this, Brad shared that “this was a great exercise to go through, but how and where do I find her?” We discussed this at length, and then I said, “What if you now put this on the backburner for the time being and get on with the life and career you’ve now created.” At first his response was incredulous, and asked “Why did I do all this work to just put it aside.” My instinctive response was, “trust me my friend, that special lady will show up and tap you on the shoulder when you absolutely least expect it.”

I simply trusted my intuition. Because of the deep relationship we had developed during our coaching relationship, he agreed and carried on with his other work and personal priorities. Guess what? Just as you would have expected, he literally bumped into her 3 months later at a social event. In one of our calls at the time, he showed up completely energized, exuberant, over the moon, saying . . . . “She showed up and she’s exactly what I’ve been looking for.”  But! Isn’t there always abut involved? Four months into their relationship Brad showed up on a coaching call and was clearly not his normal upbeat self. With some delicate probing, he shared that “my girlfriend and I had been discussing where they might go out for dinner the previous evening. I asked her where she wanted to go. She then asked me where I wanted to go. I said anywhere where you want to go. Then she blew up at me dumped all over me, accusing me of not ever stating my own preferences.”

He went on to say, “I’m not sure this is going to really work out (between us)!” This was toward the end of our call where I typically leave my clients with an inquiry-a powerful question-for them to explore and write their thoughts down to be shared at our next scheduled coaching session. For Brad the inquiry I left was “What’s in the fear my friend?” I simply trusted my intuition and blurted it out. He found this question viscerally intriguing and agreed to work with it. Our follow up meeting was amazing for both Brad and me (I am constantly learning from my clients). I asked Brad, “So let’s visit the answer to the inquiry I left you.” He very calmly and confidently said that “The inquiry turned my life around.”

Now I was actually taken aback and asked him to go on. Brad said, “Do you remember when we explored the concept of the ‘Three Yous’?”. I asked him to remind me. “Well, 

1. The first you is the Spiritual You. It’s the real you. It’s my spirit engaged in a human experience through me. 
2. The second you is the Adult You. It’s the person on the other end of this phone right now who is very capable of taking care of me, my life and career, and those around me that I care and love. 
3. The third you, is the Child You. It’s my little boy, Bradley, who agreed to so many things so long ago when I was growing up that are both helpful and not so helpful now as an adult.  My Child is constantly telling me that I should do this, I shouldn’t do that, I’m not tall enough, smart enough.

My child is at times anxious about the future, fearful about what is happening in the moment, sad at times, and sometimes in shame. As a result the little boy in me tends to get in the way of my making important changes and tries to keep things the way they are. By the way, my Child also gets excited, is playful, as well as adventurous.

 I love this he said. The thing I’ve learned from my coaching is that only I can take care of him when he gets concerned. By going quickly inside myself when my Child is trying to take over and interfere, I’ve learned how to tell him what he most wants to hear. How much I love him that I’ll protect him, and that he doesn’t have to worry about me. He is encouraged to leave things in my very capable hands and go play and enjoy himself while I take care of business. This seems to quickly reduce much of my anxiousness and stress, and allows me to move powerfully forward with the life or job challenge I might be facing in the moment. Yes, I now make sure that I, my Adult self, manages my relationships, and not my Child.”

“I got it” was my response. But what has that to do with your current relationship?” Brad put it very eloquently by stating, “My Child had taken over my personal relationship because he was afraid of being abandoned again!” Assertively, he then declared, “As of this evening, I’m going to share with my girlfriend what I just discovered about myself and let her know that she will be dealing with my Adult from here on in!” Well the bottom line was that he did just that and they’ve now been happily married for a number of years. He has exceeded all the possibilities he created-personally and professionally! I’ve found variations of the foregoing situation with other clients, particularly those operating within organizations.

These organizational relationships include bosses, peers, subordinates and others inside and outside the organization. It might explain in part why people derail in their organizational and personal relationships. Is this something you’ve run into? What’s been your experience? How has this shown up for you? Do you observe this phenomenon showing up in those around you? We would enjoy hearing what your thoughts and feelings are about this? What are your thoughts? What would you like to do with this insight?

A dear friend and a leading organization development consultant and senior executive coach, Leslie Osborn, just published the following blog that she has so kindly allowed us to share with you. You will no doubt find her powerful observations on leadership as fascinating and insightful as we. Enjoy!

“If you’re interested in leadership – here’s a suggestion. Run; don’t walk, to The King’s Speech, in theaters now. Colin Firth just won a well-deserved Golden Globe for Best Actor for an amazing performance as King George VI, the film’s protagonist. It’s a powerful film on many levels but extremely eloquent on the topic of leadership. Firth’s Albert has a stammer – a bad one – that’s anything but “kingly”. He can barely get two words out in public without extreme discomfort for himself and his audience. Because of this flaw, he seems precluded from taking a credible role in the family business – i.e. being a leader for a quarter of the world’s population (the span of the British Empire in the 1930s). All speech therapy cures have failed. The condition is mired in early childhood fears – of his overwhelmingly critical father King George V, of his overshadowing brother, of the family legacy. “Bertie” seems resigned to live with his condition – which while it is painful, has its positive side, in that it allows him to live safely below the radar screen of great public responsibility. 

When the king dies, the weight of the throne falls to the elder brother, David, who is not up to the job. He lacks the will to be a role model for his people and is personally weak. In short order, David relinquishes the throne and flees to marry Wallis Simpson and live a life of style and pleasure, rather than one of duty. 

This turn of events brings “Bertie” up against it. You see the leadership dilemma. He never thought he would have to take on this role, but here it is, and there’s no one else to do the job. The country is on the brink of war with Germany – someone’s got to step up. Bertie is remarkably ill equipped on the surface; he can’t even talk to his people. On the other hand, he has the desire. Some part of him wants to lead and he has great determination. When he meets an unusually gifted and determined speech therapist whose methods begin to peel away the layers of fear blocking his voice, Bertie digs deep, to face his demons. His struggle to accept and ask for help is wrenching and is an important step on his quest to find his power.

The classic leadership journey is all here. The potential leader who doesn’t feel adequate and is at some level afraid of the responsibility. The commitment to serve a cause larger than himself. The struggle to find his unique voice. The willingness to be vulnerable and accept support. The hours of practice and dedication to doing the exercises that will free his speech. And finally – just him, a microphone and the moment of truth.

The story is mythic in scope – as is the personal commitment many leaders make to finding their own voice, and taking the leadership role that’s there to be taken. It’s a reminder that leading often requires us to rise to circumstances beyond our control and do what has to be done, in spite of our very human imperfections and limitations. It’s a reminder of the deep internal commitment that can be needed to change and transcend what’s holding you back, regardless of how it came to be there. The Kings Speech reminds us how very personal real leadership is and should be. It doesn’t come cheap. It can’t be faked. It’s not a recipe. It can be grueling, lonely, hard work. But in the end, it’s a path to growth and transcendence. 

The King’s Speech reminds us, that all real change in human systems, is personal change. Someone, who puts his pants on one leg at a time, even a king, decides to do the hard personal work to shift something inside – and create a new future. This is the real work of leadership.”

I trust you’ve enjoyed Leslie’s thoughts and observations as much as we have. We would love to hear your thoughts, feelings and reactions. Take care.