“Those guys just don’t get it!”, “I’m thinking of going elsewhere given the new assignment they’ve forced me to take!”, or “This place is a zoo and no one knows which way is up or down!”. Often when engaged in coaching these and a myriad of other perspectives get voiced loudly and clearly. Although many of these clients don’t know it, being ‘stuck’ in a particular perspective or point of view is more common than not. They’re simply stuck because of his/her not being able to see ‘the blinding glimpse of the obvious’. With commitment from the client to ‘want to break through this’ (usually because of the associated pain and discomfort) and powerful coaching they typically make strong breakthroughs quickly and effectively.

So how’s this done? It’s simply a matter of coaching the client to step back and begin looking at the same situation but from different perspectives. Reviewing and clarifying these perspectives, and then making a choice that is ‘integrative’, that is taking in the needs of those significant other stakeholders and his/her own needs, creates a ‘win-win’ resolution and then ‘makes it happen’ as Kathy Dannemiller and Jake Jacobs would put it. Easier said than done, but then that is where a highly experienced senior executive coach comes in, particularly for senior executives, individual contributors and hi-potentials constantly wrestling with those organizational concerns where there is never a ‘right answer’.

A universal phenomenon that exists for us all is that we’re always in choice no matter the circumstances that face us. We’re in choice in the morning when we wake up. “What will I wear?”, “What will I have for breakfast?”, “How will I get to work?”, “Do I want to go to work?”, “How do I want to feel right now, today, tomorrow?”, “What attitude do I want to take toward my organization, boss, peers, sub ordinates, team members, customers/clients, family members, etc.?” The list is simply never-ending.

Another universal phenomenon (oh, they’re limitless), is that for every choice there is a consequence . . . good, bad or ugly! That is why knowing this information is key to our true success and fulfillment as children, parents, team members, employees, leaders and community members. Always consider your thoughts, wants and feelings (in equal amounts) before choosing. If the results impact others, always share with them what the foregoing are for you, and then also ask them what they think, want and feel about the same issue and use this collective information to make choices that satisfy.

Heck, even our dogs are in choice. Say that again! OUR DOGS ARE ALSO ALWAYS IN CHOICE! Let me give you a for example. In June of 2008 we adopted two new rescue Brittany Spaniels through the American Brittany Rescue Association. I drove Skya in from Nebraska, and drove Woody from Montana. Both were to replace two rescue Brittany’s who had passed away from old age a few months prior. Back to being in choice. Skya had been picked up off the street and was about to be euthanized in a Kill Shelter. Fortunately, someone stepped in at the last minute who rescued her turning her over to the American Brittany Rescue Association, and we picked her up a month later. In the interim, in that she came off the street and no one knew her real name, she ended up being called Sidney.

Of course, when I picked her up she did not respond to her assigned name. So on the drive back to Vancouver, BC from Nebraska I called Bev, my wife and fearless CEO of RWBA, and asked that she set up a meeting with Jerry Wong, a well known human and animal psychic. Jerry had worked very closely with Beau, our previous male Brittany who had passed away of cancer. The objective: have Jerry connect with Sidney.

Well to make a long story short, he did it. Initially, after some preliminary work with her he was not able to get a specific name from her. He worked hard at connecting, but to no avail. Then Bev said, “Why don’t you ask her what she wants to be called?” so Jerry went back to work with her. He simply put her in choice! She responded by showing Jerry a huge night sky with a plethora of stars throughout. Bev and I immediately shouted out the obvious: “Star! “ Jerry asked her and she communicated no. You’ve no doubt already guessed that she had chosen and communicated through images to Jerry that her name is Skya! When this was actually said out loud she immediately reacted by jumping up excitedly and running around our family room. I’m getting ‘verpluncked’ just sharing this with you. Yes, even our sweet Skya was and is always in choice. Thank you Jerry for coaching our little gal!

So there you have it, we, all of use, are always in choice! So what was the blinding glimpse of the obvious for you, your team and your organization in the above? I would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I’m quite excited to share a recent newletter created by Jake Jacobs, a global leader in the field of organization development, specifically in the area of large-scale, real-time system change. It’s a pleasure to share with you his comments on ‘Collaborating to Create More Value: Leadership Coaching and Large Scale Change’. Enjoy!

“Given my focus on collaboration, I wanted to share with you one way in which my clients and I have benefited from partnering with others. I have known Bob Benwick for 15 years. We first worked together on a Real Time Strategic Change effort at a bank where he was the senior HR executive. Now he and his wife Bev have a global corporate coaching practice based out of Vancouver.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Bob and Bev to talk about synergies between their coaching practice and my large-scale change work.  Bob, Bev and I share the same goal: people and organizations achieving their full potential. The difference is in how we do it.  Bob and Bev (and other coaches) focus on individual leaders’ development. I (and other large-scale change consultants) focus on the overall organization’s development. When we partner, our clients get the best of both worlds.

Bob explains, “I had exposure to the RTSC approach many years ago. It helps businesses that need to turn on a dime (competitively) like the bank I worked at. It is absolutely crystal clear to me how much coaching and large-scale change complement each other.”

Bev continues, “A goal of our coaching is for leaders to bring greater depth to their relationships. Organizations that use us a lot want to make big changes and make them fast. We often get asked to help leaders work together across departments.”

It’s tough to tell whether Bev is talking about her coaching practice or my large-scale change work.

Bob adds, “We contract with leaders for a minimum of six months. There has to be serious commitment or it won’t work. Leaders (and all of us) have taken years to develop our current habits. It will take time to change them. The more people change, the easier and faster it is for the system they work in to change.”

My take on Bob’s comment: the more the system changes, the easier and faster it is for the people in it to change.

Putting leadership coaching and large-scale change together is a “win-win-win.” Leaders can make big changes happen faster – and sustain them over time. And we do a better job for them than either of us could do  alone. “

Jake Jacobs is co-founder and partner of Winds of Change Group — a consulting firm specializing in fast and lasting change.

What are your feelings about change and coaching? What intrigues you the most about Jake’s comments?  What are the possibilities?

 “What does a powerful and healthy work relationship with my staff and others really look and feel like? I want to make sure that not only do I successfully bring in the Bottom Line, but as importantly, I need to successfully produce a strong Top Line—my staffs’ and customers’ satisfaction.” I always love it when my executive clients talk to me like this. This great question led to a very rich coaching discussion where the client identified and explored some of the following blinding glimpses of the obvious that were felt to be keys to building and sustaining strong, caring, mutually satisfying and highly productive work relationships that more often than not bring in a strong Bottom Line. Based on our coaching discussion and mutual sharing of information and insights, the result for the client was that a healthy work relationship truly reflected the following:

• I can listen to you without interrupting
• Because I am in a working relationship with you, I choose to listen to you and see how my behavior impacts you
• I will not control and manipulate you to get what I want
• I will not punish you for saying “no” to me
• I will not fear your rejection. I understand that “no” to me is a “yes” to you. I care about you. I want you to take care of yourself
• If you leave us, the team, I will have definite discomfort and I know that I can be satisfied here without your continued support
• I will not ask you to give up who you are to be cared by me. Your security, satisfaction and development will be as important to me as my security, satisfaction and development 
• I will not try to take away your feelings or rob you of them so I can be comfortable
  

What’s your reaction to the foregoing? What piece resonated the most with you? What might you add to the list created? You thoughts, feelings and comments are most valued.

“So how stressful is it for an executive who’s responsible for the development and implementation of an organization’s strategic plan?” This was a provocative question that clearly showed this student was thinking bigger than the subject I was teaching at hand. In response I recalled some work that I had been leading as the Vice President of Human Resources and Strategic Management with a large tertiary care hospital earlier in my career. It involved partnering with Dr. Dave Hitchin, a former professor[1] of mine, a faculty member with the School of Business and a member of the Master of Science in Organization Development Program, at Pepperdine University at the time.

In one of our many discussions while at the professor’s home in Sun Valley, Idaho, he mentioned that in doing this work over the years he had observed a number of the senior executives he had the good fortune to work with who had passed away unexpectedly. Of course I was curious about this interesting observation and I was particularly curious about the issue of executives providing strategic leadership within their organizations and the enormous stress that is a part of that journey.

Dave then shared that he was working on a concept with his wife Jill at the time that he felt would be of value to his executive clients. Not only did it speak to the related issue of stress as executives engaged in developing and leading strategic change within their organizations, but also provided a model for them to consider in the thinking and behavior necessary to better achieve and sustain healthier balance in their work and personal lives. He referred to it as ‘Middlaning’.

In this model work was viewed as a three lane highway. He referred to the inside lane as the ‘fast lane’. This was where you put the pedal-to-the-medal so to speak. Of course, it can be absolutely essential at times, but it should be engaged in by exception only, not as a general way of operating. Typical types of behavior involves going in extremely early every day, pushing it hard throughout the day, rarely ever taking meaningful breaks, staying into the very late evening hours to get that all important report out, financials analyzed, proposal prepared, presentation drafted, negotiations completed, etc. I’m sure many of you reading this can think of a long list of other urgent concerns that always need addressing. Unfortunately, this is typical of executives, managers and professionals who live to work, versus the rest of people who normally work to live. Now if you stayed in the fast lane on an ongoing basis, it wasn’t if you were going to crash and burn, it was when you would hit the wall. Further, this could very well lead up to eventual burn out, and yes, possibly death. When I thought about this, and I still do, I can recall a significant number of associates that I’ve worked with in the ‘C-Suite’ over the years who are no longer with us because of just these circumstances.

Guess what lane most organizations want their leaders, and often their employees in general, to work in. Yes, the fastlane! They don’t intentionally have the foregoing consequences in mind and, at times, even express in their own way that the that the fast lane is not a healthy place to stay.  But watch what actually happens if the executive tries to work toward more balance in his/her work and life. Out come the organizational antibodies that try to get rid of any behavior that actually involves work/life balance or seeks to minimize it.

Next is the middle-lane. This lane is a healthy and productive one to travel in.  As opposed to the peddle-to-the-metal approach of the fast lane, here you keep a good healthy speed and a solid, productive momentum. Give or take a few clicks either way, in this lane you will successfully achieve planned intentions, on time, within the resources allocated, fully meeting and even exeeding standards of performance, producing high employee and customer satisfaction (the Top Line), and often beating revenue and cost targets (Top Line). The Middle-Lane should never be confused with the Slow Lane which has a totally different purpose.

Oh, the Slow Lane. Perhaps a bit of a misnomer, but essentially it means going to work at a reasonably appropriate time and taking healthy breaks or time outs throughout the day so that you remain maximally productive. It includes taking time for lunch, either by oneself or as an opportunity to engage in relationship building with key others. It means leaving at a reasonable time at the end of the day or going home to be with your loved ones. Not taking work with you (unless you happen to be temporarily in the fast lane). It means taking the weekends off for you to be with your family and friends. It means taking your scheduled vacations, even stat holidays. The whole purpose here is for you to live the life that you’re working to create and enjoy. These are critical opportunities for you to regenerate you batteries. Otherwise, if you don’t do these things you will eventually end up being no good to yourself, your family and or to the organization over the intermediate to long term. But many of us learn the hard way, and often too late.

Is Middlaning easy? I would love to hear your experience, thoughts and wisdom on the subject. What does better look like for you? What are the consequences of not addressing and facing up to this? What’s in the payoff of dealing with it? What prevents you from addressing the matter? Have fun with this and I look forward to hearing from you!