As a global executive coaching practice we partner with leaders at all levels and disciplines in a wide array of global private and public sector organizations. Part of that coaching with our corporate clients more often than not touches on why they get stuck in certain perspectives and let their ‘Child’ run the show vs. being in ‘Adult’, self-managing and objectively taking care of business.

It typically surfaces as a ‘blinding glimpse of the obvious’ when they discover dichotomy for themselves. It’s typically a life, career and leadership changer when they do make this breakthrough. They learn their ‘Child’ also has a very positive side . . . . playful, laughter, fun, vitality, energy, compassion, caring etc. . . . as well as a negative side . . . judgmental (of themselves and others around them), anger, fear, shame, anxiety, sadness, etc.

We recently caught the following country music video on television that really captured the origins of what the child and what we agree  to early in their lives and becomes programmed when we leave home and create our own lives and careers (in this video more of the positive aspects). To this end, we trust you too will enjoy this music video as much as we. So turn up your sound, listen carefully to a great young country star Chris Young to the lyrics and be prepared to tap your cowboyski toes : ! 

We would love to hear your reactions to these comments and Chris Young’s song. Have a great day!

“I’m thinking that I need to prep my references now that I’ve started my job search campaign. But I’m not sure who and how many I need should I be asked for them. What do you think?”, asked Fred, a senior financial executive. “So how many do think would work for you?” I asked. “Well, how does about three to five sound?” he responded. “Otherwise, what?” I followed. “Well I feel anymore would be overwhelming to those I’d provide them to.” “No doubt, my friend”, said I. As we continued to discuss the subject of his work references, we brainstormed some of the following that solidly advanced Fred’s job search and raised his confidence considerably.

• Fred needed to pick people he knows well, who can talk with confidence about his professional and personal strengths. 
• Choose those associates that are great fans of his, avoiding those who are not.
• Include former bosses who can speak to Fred’s demonstrated track record of results and contribution
• Preferably those references who are in a position to speak about his recent 3 to 5 years of deliverables . . . not old stuff.
• Include those who themselves are senior managers and executives
• Those selected should be articulate and effective at promoting Fred
• He should also consider other key superiors, team members, peers, subordinates, and quite possibly some clients/customers

 ”So once I’ve identified these folks, then what?” Fred asked. “Well, what pops into your mind?” I quickly retorted. “Questions, questions!” he whined, and then with a smile on his face he said, “Well it would make complete sense to make sure my chosen references know my target job market, my experience, skills, strengths and weaknesses.”, said Fred.

“You think?” I mischievously remarked, then added, “how would you go about doing this?” Fred frowned and then smiled again, speculating “I’m thinking about preparing a one page document covering the points we mutually brainstormed, something that my selected referees could refer to if and when approached for a reference check. Yeah, they would probably welcome the opportunity to be in my corner, be pleased that I’ve saved them valuable time, and be in a strong position to communicate my key points in a clear, positive and credible manner. Yeah, I love it!”

So there you have it, Fred was now in the position to positively and powerfully move forward with this aspect of his job search campaign strategy. What was the gold nugget in this for you? We would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

Two senior associates, Debbie Robbins and Frank Wagner recently published the following superb article in the Huffington Post that I believe you will find both interesting and intriquing titled ‘It Takes Human Contact to Create Success’. Enjoy.

If you made a list today of your top 25 business relationships and asked yourself, “How much full-on human contact have I had with these people this year?” we (Frank Wagner and I — Frank is also a top leadership and executive coach, an expert on leadership behavior) think you’d be shocked to discover that 95 percent of it may be solely digital: e-mail, Facebook, texting or Twitter. Frank and I have stopped tweeting each other the number of times weekly we beg our clients to simply pick up the phone! We recently sat at a business dinner where, despite the opportunity for unimpeded face time, the two executives at the heads of the table were texting one another while we ate!

Up until 1990 the phone was the equivalent of e-mail, and CEOs were always telling their employees to hang up and have meetings. Now it’s a win to get to voice contact. What’s so powerful about full-on human contact is that it engages all aspects of our ability to access information and make informed decisions. Most meet-ups will include writing, reading, seeing, hearing, speaking and doing. 

Yes, technology has expanded our network of relationships. People brag about how many friends they have on Facebook or the size of their network on LinkedIn. Yes, technology has expanded our capacity to communicate in writing. Twitter has made communication almost ubiquitous and omnipresent. Yes, technology allows our thoughts to be transmitted instantaneously at the speed of our wireless networks. It’s easy. It’s seemingly efficient. That is the good news. 

The not-so-good news is that the side effect of all this technology is the loss of genuine connectedness. As humans we have always found in-person interaction meaningful, rich and complex. Face-to-face relationship-building also deflects the possibility for miscommunications and misunderstandings. With less physical data to interpret because of the heavy use of digital communication, more and more problems are arising between colleagues and consumers. 

Psychology Today did a great piece about a social psychologist and Northwestern University law professor named Janice Nadler, who paired Northwestern law students with those from Duke University and asked each pair to agree on the purchase of a car:

Researchers instructed each team to bargain entirely through e-mail, but half the subjects were secretly told to precede the negotiation with a brief getting-to-know-you chat on the phone. The results were dramatic: Negotiators who first chatted by phone were more than four times likelier to reach an agreement than those who used only e-mail. In the study, which appeared in the Harvard Negotiation Law Review, subjects who never spoke were not only more likely to hit an impasse, but they often felt resentful and angry about the negotiation.

Our personal favorite is the famous New Yorker cartoon that shows a dog sitting on a chair in front of a computer. He turns to his doggie friend sitting on the floor and says: “On the internet, no one knows you’re a dog.”

Be honest — electronically, you do not really know who the person is on the other end of your digital exchange. You can’t hear their voice, which is robust with clues. You don’t know how they are receiving your words or even when they are getting your message in physical-time reality. You can’t assess their body language or observe their responses. The sense of professional “intimacy” we depend on is, at best, only utilizing 10 percent of our communication cues, tools and competencies. The more we rely on e-mail, Facebook, Twitter and texting as our primary ways of communicating, the less likely we are to be known by those with whom we are interdependent for our success.

What to do:

1. Assess who is important to you in your professional life, those people with whom you will need a relationship strong enough to weather any storm. 
2. Consciously monitor how much e-mailing, texting or tweeting you rely on for building these relationships.
3. Make sure that at least once a month you either speak with these people by phone or see them in person! The latter is better, even if it entails travel.
4. When you do connect in person, leave enough time to communicate in greater depth so that it really strengthens your relationship. Enjoy yourself when you get this chance to be up close and personal (it is contagious).
5. When you are in human contact, keep any electronic devices far enough removed so that these devices do not interfere with the conversation. Even the slightest eye movement to see who is texting, e-mailing, etc. gives the other person the impression that someone else is more important to you.
6. Find media-free time each week to counter your addiction to staying connected online. You will probably find out you like it.
7. Stay vigilant in your efforts; technology is amazing, but it is also seductive.

When babies aren’t physically touched, they develop severe emotional challenges. E-mail does not qualify as touching, even if your fingers are on your computer or mobile key pad.

We would enjoy hearing your observations and insights. In the meantime, take care!

These are whitewater economic times and the job market is certainly reflective of this. Many executives are either out on the street looking for work or anticipating to one degree or another that very possibility. My client Ross, a former executive with a large international bank, just happen to be in the job search campaign mode himself . “So, what is it that I really need to pay attention to when I’m provided job search referrals to follow up on as I engage in my strategic networking?” he asked.

“What’s the purpose of your networking”, I inquired. “Simple, I want to get out there, meet as many people as possible and dig up hidden job opportunities. Essentially accelerate my transition into a new job . . . one that will be a good fit. I don’t want to rely on the formal job market where I’m competing directly with everyone else!”, Ross responded.

“Well, how we take a few minutes to brainstorm some ideas around this?” I put forward. “I’m game!”, Ross quickly responded. After a twenty minute exchange, the following sums up what ` we created.

• Be highly proactive in following up and contacting referrals from your colleagues, friends, family, etc. . . . don’t delay
• Research the organizations and the persons you’ve been referred to . . . very thoroughly
• Develop and ask powerful questions based on your research
• Listen very carefully to both what each contact says as well as their non-verbals
• If appropriate, ask for permission prior to taking any notes . . . review them shortly after and deepen your learning 
• Develop a standard referral meeting assessment document to identify take-aways, insights, and any activity needing follow-up
• Remember each of your contacts’ time is valuable and limited . . . fully respect this
• Don’t hesitate to request additional referrals each and every time you engage each referred contact . . . make this a regular practice
• It’s critical to thank each contact at the end of your information referral meeting and express your sincere appreciation
• Immediately follow up with a written note, email . . . this is a MUST 
• Note that what is shared with you by the contact is always held in complete confidence
• Always secure a contact’s permission to use that contact as a future reference as you proceed with your strategic networking 

Ross did a super job in contributing to the creation of the foregoing list. Certainly a testament to his commitment to accelerating the success of his job search campaign. If you would like to add to this list, both Ross and I would be most interested in hearing your suggestions.

“Well, I guess if I get some 360 feedback that will help address some of the leadership challenges I’ve been experiencing.”, said Eduardo, a Senior Vice-President with a major EPC (engineering-procurement-construction) corporation . “I think it would be a good start Ed. However, 360 feedback is where the rubber hits the sky. Feedforward is where the rubber hits the ground.”, I responded.

“So what is feedforward?”, Eduardo inquired. “Well, it’s essentially getting suggestions from those impacted by your leadership, your stakeholders, around what it is you can start, stop and/or continue doing . . . what it is you could change . . .  about your leadership behavior that would help them do their work more effectively and fundamentally enhance their overall contribution. Does that make sense?” I asked. Eduardo’s responded, “Absolutely! However, if I did get feedforward from my stakeholders as you put it, how would I know if I’m being successful when doing it?”

“What I offer comes from our collective experience of coaching executives and leaders worldwide, and it is also  based on the research , findings and experience of one of the world’s leading management and leadership thinkers and his associates, Marshall Goldsmith. Keep these basic key points in mind if you want to engage in a successful stakeholder centered leadership coaching initiative. Of course there’s more involved, but these will get you going in the right direction.”

• Choose the behavior you want to improve – improve the leadership behavior that is important to you and be confident that you will indeed improve
• Truly want stakeholder input – pay undivided attention to and  geniunely hear your stakeholders’ messages/gifts
• Appreciate the feedback/feedforward –  take your stakeholders’ input seriously, be willing to respond to the input they provide and take the opportunity to reflect on what it is you are hearing
• Don’t give in to superstition of “negative” self talk - do a levelheaded cost-benefit analysis and commit with a decision on what leadership behavior you  truly want to develop
• Appreciate the help from all your stakeholders - commit to improve and, again, be confident you will improve
• Actively work on what you commit to improve - make every attempt to demonstrate your success and try to reduce the likelihood of a return to your old habits
• Eagerly gain your stakeholders’ insights - actually learn from their experience of you and focus on producing related measureable results

With the support of a highly experienced senior executive coach and confidante to partner with throughout the stakeholder centered leadership coaching process, success and fulfillment is well within reach, not to mentioned the strategic advantage created for your organization.

Thank you for taking a few minutes to read this. What specific leadership behaviors do your people need from you in order for them to be more powerful contributors? I would enjoy hearing any of your thoughts and feelings on this subject? Take care.