“I really don’t like doing it!” claimed Frank, the Senior Vice President, Business Development with a large corporate leader in the energy business. “Doing what?” I asked. “Control. I hate finding myself in the position to have to control my direct reports. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“So what do you want to do?” was my response. “There must be some other way!” Frank said in frustration (always a green light for my executive coaching). “Do you remember when we talked about the four key components of management a few weeks ago?” I inquired. “Yeah, I do” stated Frank. “So what were they?” I followed up.

“Well, if I can remember the first was good old planning. Then, I believe the next was getting organized around supporting the plan. Oh yeah, next was leading. This is about truly caring and creating the environment for my troops so that they become more motivated to make it all successfully happen, thus driving up their work effort resulting in high quality performance . The last component was about control. OK, now I remember, it’s about controlling the plan, not my people. I know you really emphasized this last piece when we previously discussed this. Man, I’ve got to really get this into the marrow of my leadership bones. It’s about controlling the plan and motivating my people!”

“Great on you my friend for getting this clear. Around the motivating piece, here’s a small gift that might help you. As I’ve said many times in our past coaching conversations, you can either keep it or throw it in the garbage. I’m never attached to gifts given to you. This particular one has worked well for both myself and many of my executive clients. By the way, I’ve been unable to identify who the author of this is, but here it goes.” 

HEALTHY CARING IS  

I can listen to you without interrupting

Because I am in a working relationship with you, I choose to listen to you and see how my behavior impacts you  

I will not control and manipulate you to get what I want

I will not punish you for saying “no” to me  

I will not fear your rejection. I understand that “no” to me is a “yes” to you. I truly care about you. I want you to take care of yourself  

If you end up leaving our group . . . the organization . . . I will experience definite discomfort and I know that I, we, can still be satisfied here without your valued support 

I will not ask you to give up who you are to be cared by me

Your security, satisfaction and development will be as important to me as my security, satisfaction and development

I will not try to take away your feelings or rob you of them so I can be comfortable

So there you have it dear reader, all of us are continually in choice as to how we relate! So what was the blinding glimpse of the obvious for you, your team, your organization in the above? I would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I’m quite excited to share a recent newletter created by Jake Jacobs, a global leader in the field of organization development, specifically in the area of large-scale, real-time system change. It’s a pleasure to share with you his comments on ‘Collaborating to Create More Value: Leadership Coaching and Large Scale Change’. Enjoy!

“Given my focus on collaboration, I wanted to share with you one way in which my clients and I have benefited from partnering with others. I have known Bob Benwick for 15 years. We first worked together on a Real Time Strategic Change effort at a bank where he was the senior HR executive. Now he and his wife Bev have a global corporate coaching practice based out of Vancouver.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Bob and Bev to talk about synergies between their coaching practice and my large-scale change work.  Bob, Bev and I share the same goal: people and organizations achieving their full potential. The difference is in how we do it.  Bob and Bev (and other coaches) focus on individual leaders’ development. I (and other large-scale change consultants) focus on the overall organization’s development. When we partner, our clients get the best of both worlds.

Bob explains, “I had exposure to the RTSC approach many years ago. It helps businesses that need to turn on a dime (competitively) like the bank I worked at. It is absolutely crystal clear to me how much coaching and large-scale change complement each other.”

Bev continues, “A goal of our coaching is for leaders to bring greater depth to their relationships. Organizations that use us a lot want to make big changes and make them fast. We often get asked to help leaders work together across departments.”

It’s tough to tell whether Bev is talking about her coaching practice or my large-scale change work.

Bob adds, “We contract with leaders for a minimum of six months. There has to be serious commitment or it won’t work. Leaders (and all of us) have taken years to develop our current habits. It will take time to change them. The more people change, the easier and faster it is for the system they work in to change.”

My take on Bob’s comment: the more the system changes, the easier and faster it is for the people in it to change.

Putting leadership coaching and large-scale change together is a “win-win-win.” Leaders can make big changes happen faster – and sustain them over time. And we do a better job for them than either of us could do  alone. “

Jake Jacobs is co-founder and partner of Winds of Change Group — a consulting firm specializing in fast and lasting change.

What are your feelings about change and coaching? What intrigues you the most about Jake’s comments?  What are the possibilities?

 ”How can I help my Boss?” This was a simple yet fascinating question asked by a recently hired senior operations executive regarding his boss, the President. The President, who I also coach, had hired me to provide Accelerated Leadership Transition Coaching services to assure the success of this new acquisition to the executive team. Her organization had invested considerable time, money and effort in finding and bringing this unique individual on board and she was determined to protect that investment and accelerate his successful transition. In coaching him toward formulating answers to his question, the following piece was shared with him and was intended to bein service of deepening his intention, providing alternate perspective(s) and putting him in choice as to how he might truly be there for the organization and the President. The end result was his being in amazing clarity around next steps. The author is unknown, but it has always intrigued and been received very positively by all my executive clients when introduced. It is called ‘The Fixer’.

• A fixer has the illusion of being causal. A server knows s/he is being used in the service of something greater, essentially unknown.
• We fix something specific. We serve always something: wholeness and the mystery of life.
• Fixing and helping are the work of the ego. Serving is the work of the soul.
• When you help, you see life as weak. When you fix you see life as broken. When you serve you see life as whole.
• Fixing and helping may cure. Service heals.
• When I help, I feel satisfaction. When I serve, I feel gratitude.
• Fixing is a form of judgment. Serving is a form of connection.

What does this mean for you? What is the blinding glimpse of the obvious? What small or large change in perspective does this create? What are in the possibilities for you?

 “What does a powerful and healthy work relationship with my staff and others really look and feel like? I want to make sure that not only do I successfully bring in the Bottom Line, but as importantly, I need to successfully produce a strong Top Line—my staffs’ and customers’ satisfaction.” I always love it when my executive clients talk to me like this. This great question led to a very rich coaching discussion where the client identified and explored some of the following blinding glimpses of the obvious that were felt to be keys to building and sustaining strong, caring, mutually satisfying and highly productive work relationships that more often than not bring in a strong Bottom Line. Based on our coaching discussion and mutual sharing of information and insights, the result for the client was that a healthy work relationship truly reflected the following:

• I can listen to you without interrupting
• Because I am in a working relationship with you, I choose to listen to you and see how my behavior impacts you
• I will not control and manipulate you to get what I want
• I will not punish you for saying “no” to me
• I will not fear your rejection. I understand that “no” to me is a “yes” to you. I care about you. I want you to take care of yourself
• If you leave us, the team, I will have definite discomfort and I know that I can be satisfied here without your continued support
• I will not ask you to give up who you are to be cared by me. Your security, satisfaction and development will be as important to me as my security, satisfaction and development 
• I will not try to take away your feelings or rob you of them so I can be comfortable
  

What’s your reaction to the foregoing? What piece resonated the most with you? What might you add to the list created? You thoughts, feelings and comments are most valued.

“So how stressful is it for an executive who’s responsible for the development and implementation of an organization’s strategic plan?” This was a provocative question that clearly showed this student was thinking bigger than the subject I was teaching at hand. In response I recalled some work that I had been leading as the Vice President of Human Resources and Strategic Management with a large tertiary care hospital earlier in my career. It involved partnering with Dr. Dave Hitchin, a former professor[1] of mine, a faculty member with the School of Business and a member of the Master of Science in Organization Development Program, at Pepperdine University at the time.

In one of our many discussions while at the professor’s home in Sun Valley, Idaho, he mentioned that in doing this work over the years he had observed a number of the senior executives he had the good fortune to work with who had passed away unexpectedly. Of course I was curious about this interesting observation and I was particularly curious about the issue of executives providing strategic leadership within their organizations and the enormous stress that is a part of that journey.

Dave then shared that he was working on a concept with his wife Jill at the time that he felt would be of value to his executive clients. Not only did it speak to the related issue of stress as executives engaged in developing and leading strategic change within their organizations, but also provided a model for them to consider in the thinking and behavior necessary to better achieve and sustain healthier balance in their work and personal lives. He referred to it as ‘Middlaning’.

In this model work was viewed as a three lane highway. He referred to the inside lane as the ‘fast lane’. This was where you put the pedal-to-the-medal so to speak. Of course, it can be absolutely essential at times, but it should be engaged in by exception only, not as a general way of operating. Typical types of behavior involves going in extremely early every day, pushing it hard throughout the day, rarely ever taking meaningful breaks, staying into the very late evening hours to get that all important report out, financials analyzed, proposal prepared, presentation drafted, negotiations completed, etc. I’m sure many of you reading this can think of a long list of other urgent concerns that always need addressing. Unfortunately, this is typical of executives, managers and professionals who live to work, versus the rest of people who normally work to live. Now if you stayed in the fast lane on an ongoing basis, it wasn’t if you were going to crash and burn, it was when you would hit the wall. Further, this could very well lead up to eventual burn out, and yes, possibly death. When I thought about this, and I still do, I can recall a significant number of associates that I’ve worked with in the ‘C-Suite’ over the years who are no longer with us because of just these circumstances.

Guess what lane most organizations want their leaders, and often their employees in general, to work in. Yes, the fastlane! They don’t intentionally have the foregoing consequences in mind and, at times, even express in their own way that the that the fast lane is not a healthy place to stay.  But watch what actually happens if the executive tries to work toward more balance in his/her work and life. Out come the organizational antibodies that try to get rid of any behavior that actually involves work/life balance or seeks to minimize it.

Next is the middle-lane. This lane is a healthy and productive one to travel in.  As opposed to the peddle-to-the-metal approach of the fast lane, here you keep a good healthy speed and a solid, productive momentum. Give or take a few clicks either way, in this lane you will successfully achieve planned intentions, on time, within the resources allocated, fully meeting and even exeeding standards of performance, producing high employee and customer satisfaction (the Top Line), and often beating revenue and cost targets (Top Line). The Middle-Lane should never be confused with the Slow Lane which has a totally different purpose.

Oh, the Slow Lane. Perhaps a bit of a misnomer, but essentially it means going to work at a reasonably appropriate time and taking healthy breaks or time outs throughout the day so that you remain maximally productive. It includes taking time for lunch, either by oneself or as an opportunity to engage in relationship building with key others. It means leaving at a reasonable time at the end of the day or going home to be with your loved ones. Not taking work with you (unless you happen to be temporarily in the fast lane). It means taking the weekends off for you to be with your family and friends. It means taking your scheduled vacations, even stat holidays. The whole purpose here is for you to live the life that you’re working to create and enjoy. These are critical opportunities for you to regenerate you batteries. Otherwise, if you don’t do these things you will eventually end up being no good to yourself, your family and or to the organization over the intermediate to long term. But many of us learn the hard way, and often too late.

Is Middlaning easy? I would love to hear your experience, thoughts and wisdom on the subject. What does better look like for you? What are the consequences of not addressing and facing up to this? What’s in the payoff of dealing with it? What prevents you from addressing the matter? Have fun with this and I look forward to hearing from you!