“I really don’t like doing it!” claimed Frank, the Senior Vice President, Business Development with a large corporate leader in the energy business. “Doing what?” I asked. “Control. I hate finding myself in the position to have to control my direct reports. It just doesn’t feel right.”

“So what do you want to do?” was my response. “There must be some other way!” Frank said in frustration (always a green light for my executive coaching). “Do you remember when we talked about the four key components of management a few weeks ago?” I inquired. “Yeah, I do” stated Frank. “So what were they?” I followed up.

“Well, if I can remember the first was good old planning. Then, I believe the next was getting organized around supporting the plan. Oh yeah, next was leading. This is about truly caring and creating the environment for my troops so that they become more motivated to make it all successfully happen, thus driving up their work effort resulting in high quality performance . The last component was about control. OK, now I remember, it’s about controlling the plan, not my people. I know you really emphasized this last piece when we previously discussed this. Man, I’ve got to really get this into the marrow of my leadership bones. It’s about controlling the plan and motivating my people!”

“Great on you my friend for getting this clear. Around the motivating piece, here’s a small gift that might help you. As I’ve said many times in our past coaching conversations, you can either keep it or throw it in the garbage. I’m never attached to gifts given to you. This particular one has worked well for both myself and many of my executive clients. By the way, I’ve been unable to identify who the author of this is, but here it goes.” 

HEALTHY CARING IS  

I can listen to you without interrupting

Because I am in a working relationship with you, I choose to listen to you and see how my behavior impacts you  

I will not control and manipulate you to get what I want

I will not punish you for saying “no” to me  

I will not fear your rejection. I understand that “no” to me is a “yes” to you. I truly care about you. I want you to take care of yourself  

If you end up leaving our group . . . the organization . . . I will experience definite discomfort and I know that I, we, can still be satisfied here without your valued support 

I will not ask you to give up who you are to be cared by me

Your security, satisfaction and development will be as important to me as my security, satisfaction and development

I will not try to take away your feelings or rob you of them so I can be comfortable

So there you have it dear reader, all of us are continually in choice as to how we relate! So what was the blinding glimpse of the obvious for you, your team, your organization in the above? I would love to hear your thoughts and gain your perspective. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

I’m quite excited to share a recent newletter created by Jake Jacobs, a global leader in the field of organization development, specifically in the area of large-scale, real-time system change. It’s a pleasure to share with you his comments on ‘Collaborating to Create More Value: Leadership Coaching and Large Scale Change’. Enjoy!

“Given my focus on collaboration, I wanted to share with you one way in which my clients and I have benefited from partnering with others. I have known Bob Benwick for 15 years. We first worked together on a Real Time Strategic Change effort at a bank where he was the senior HR executive. Now he and his wife Bev have a global corporate coaching practice based out of Vancouver.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Bob and Bev to talk about synergies between their coaching practice and my large-scale change work.  Bob, Bev and I share the same goal: people and organizations achieving their full potential. The difference is in how we do it.  Bob and Bev (and other coaches) focus on individual leaders’ development. I (and other large-scale change consultants) focus on the overall organization’s development. When we partner, our clients get the best of both worlds.

Bob explains, “I had exposure to the RTSC approach many years ago. It helps businesses that need to turn on a dime (competitively) like the bank I worked at. It is absolutely crystal clear to me how much coaching and large-scale change complement each other.”

Bev continues, “A goal of our coaching is for leaders to bring greater depth to their relationships. Organizations that use us a lot want to make big changes and make them fast. We often get asked to help leaders work together across departments.”

It’s tough to tell whether Bev is talking about her coaching practice or my large-scale change work.

Bob adds, “We contract with leaders for a minimum of six months. There has to be serious commitment or it won’t work. Leaders (and all of us) have taken years to develop our current habits. It will take time to change them. The more people change, the easier and faster it is for the system they work in to change.”

My take on Bob’s comment: the more the system changes, the easier and faster it is for the people in it to change.

Putting leadership coaching and large-scale change together is a “win-win-win.” Leaders can make big changes happen faster – and sustain them over time. And we do a better job for them than either of us could do  alone. “

Jake Jacobs is co-founder and partner of Winds of Change Group — a consulting firm specializing in fast and lasting change.

What are your feelings about change and coaching? What intrigues you the most about Jake’s comments?  What are the possibilities?